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原文出自：Matthew Hussey Newsletter
No, really, I mean it.
我是認真的。
But before you think I’m scolding you, let me explain…
但在你覺得我在罵你之前，先讓我解釋一下…
Today I want to talk to you about a small shift in your thinking that can radically change your love life. It’s reframing your relationship with embarrassment.
今天我想要跟大家分享一些小小思考方向的轉換就能改變你的愛情運的方法，那就是重新定義你對於在男女關係之中尷尬與丟臉的框架。
The truth is, as long as you’re worried about looking like an idiot, you’ll never be able to take the risks that get you the results you want in love.
事實上，如果你一直在跟男人相處的時候擔心東擔心西擔心自己的形象，你用遠也不會有辦法去承擔得到愛的風險。
You need to get comfortable with the idea of occasionally making a fool of yourself, because the reward (a committed relationship with the man of your dreams) is worth it.
你必須對於自己偶爾會出糗這件事感到舒適，因為這麼做的結果是很值得的（那就是得到妳理想中的對象）
Now I get that you might be resistant… I used to spend an enormous amount of energy and mental capacity trying to avoid embarrassing situations myself.
我懂妳現在可能仍然會覺得抗拒，我曾幾花了非常大的力氣與時間去避免尷尬即讓自己丟臉或出糗。
I would not approach the woman that I was interested in because I was worried of an embarrassing moment if it went wrong, if I got rejected…what if her boyfriend came out of the bathroom two minutes later?
我不會去接近我喜歡的女生，因為我怕會出什麼差錯而尷尬、怕被拒絕等等…如果她的男朋友兩分鐘後從廁所裡出來怎麼辦？
I would avoid getting on stage and speaking, and even if I did get on stage and do a public speech I would be so afraid of embarrassment that I’d try and say everything absolutely correctly that I didn’t put a foot wrong, that I didn’t make some funny facial expression, that I didn’t do anything stupid. It would all be about avoiding embarrassment.
我會去避免在很多人面前講話或是上台的場合，即使我真的上台，我也會非常小心翼翼，不會做任何有趣的表情或是任何可能會讓場面尷尬或事讓自己看起來像個白癡的事。
The problem is that you can’t avoid embarrassment and do all of the things that you want to do at the same time.
但問題是，你沒有法避免尷尬然後同時顧及你想要做的所有事。
It’s impossible, and it closes down all of those creative channels in your body. We wonder why it is that the people we’re attracted to aren’t attracted to us and everyone we’re not attracted to suddenly swarms us like flies. Well why is that?
這是不可能的，在避免尷尬及丟臉的同時，你已經關閉了你身上所有有可能產生創造力的管道。我們常常懷疑為什麼我們喜歡的人不喜歡我們，我們不喜歡的人卻像蒼蠅一樣在我們身邊揮之不去？所以為什麼呢？
Because when we’re in front of the one person we’re attracted to, we’re definitely afraid of embarrassment. We want to make sure we don’t go through any of that so we close down our channels, we sensor ourselves, and therefore we don’t get across our personality.
因為我們在我們喜歡的人面前一定會害怕出糗、尷尬，我們想要確定跟對方相處的時候一定不能有尷尬、出糗的時候，我們對於這件事耳提面命，因此我們的個性也不容易展現。
Reason #1: It’s scientifically proven – People like you more when you mess up.
原因一：科學已經證明，當你出錯的時候，人們會更喜歡你。
It’s called “The Pratfall Effect” – Richard Wiseman talked about it in his book 59 Seconds. The idea is that, psychologically, if you’re perceived to be competent at something and then you mess up, people like you more. People like when they see the human side of people, and of course we see people in their most human way when they mess up, when they do something wrong. It allows us to connect, to relate and say “ah, they’re human too.”
這個被稱為「出醜效應」，Richard Wiseman在他的書中(59 seconds)有提到。心理層面上，如果你被認為對某件事情很擅長，但你出錯了，人們會更喜歡你。人們喜歡看到其他人展現出接近平凡人的一面。當然人非聖賢、孰能無過，這是讓人與人之間能夠連結、跟引起共鳴的一種方式，人們想要知道自己面對的人，也是一個活生生的人。(http://www.zwbk.org/zh-tw/Lemma_Show/216299.aspx)
Reason #2: You learn from your mistakes.
原因二、你從錯誤中學習。
When you mess up it allows you to learn better ways of doing it. If you allow yourself to screw up and be a little bit embarrassed in the moment it helps you do it better next time. We all know that failing can help lead to success, and part of failing is going through a little embarrassment here and there.
當你犯錯的時候，你就能學到更好的做事方式。如果你允許自己能夠出錯，並且對於允許自己能夠感到尷尬，這會幫助你下次做得更好。我們都知道失敗為成功之母，而某些出錯與失敗必然會跟著一些尷尬或是丟臉的情緒。
Reason #3: It liberates you.
原因三、它讓你得到自由
Here’s an example: You know when you get a new gadget like a new camera or a new laptop, and as soon as you get it you’re a perfectionist about that thing? You cradle it, it’s like your baby, you put it back in its special case where it has all the fluff inside so it doesn’t get any scratches, and then when you remove it you remove it carefully. If anyone goes near it you go, “be careful, my new laptop is there that I just bought." You get really protective over it.
這裡有個例子：你知道你將會拿到一個像是相機、或是新電腦，當你剛拿到的時候，是否像是個完美主義者想要處處保護好那樣全新的東西不受到傷害？你小心翼翼地把它當成生命中最脆弱的東西，把它放入一個特別的保護袋裡，好讓這個東西一點刮痕也沒有。如果有任何人靠近你的新玩意，你一定會說「小心點，我剛買的新電腦在那！」你真的是過度保護它了。
And then one day inevitably it gets a ding, it gets a scratch, something happens to it and you freak out and you can’t believe it and there’s something that happens in that moment. Because it’s been tarnished a little bit, because it’s got a scratch, all of a sudden you start treating it differently.
然後有一天當你不小心讓它受了點小傷，產生了些許的刮痕，或是發生了什麼小意外，你就感到快要抓狂，不敢相信竟然會發生這種事。但正因為它已經不完美了，因為它有了一些刮痕，突然之間你對待它的方式就完全不一樣了。
Look at anyone who’s an actual photographer and you’ll notice that they handle their camera. You know, they’re used to it. It’s been weathered, it’s been used in all different situations. There are scratches on it, it’s kind of war-beaten. It’s been through things, and that person uses it as a tool, a utility. It’s not something they cradle and they nurse and protect and nurture in that way.
你可以去看看任何一個真實的攝影師，你可以觀察看看他們如何對待他們的相機。你知道，他們已經很習慣跟相機相處，經過風吹日曬，跟攝影師走過大大小小的事件、狀況，它們身上有些刮痕，像是戰爭後的傷痕一樣。攝影師待他們的相機為「實用的工具」，並不對帶相機如同對待珍寶一樣怕撞壞怕刮到。
It’s something that they use every day. It doesn’t mean that they don’t respect it, but they’re willing to go through those little moments where it can be tarnished because that’s the only way to get the best out of that equipment. You watch someone when they’re not a photographer and they have their new camera, and they’re so precious with it and they don’t want to use it. They never get any great photos because they’re so busy nursing it that they never actually use it for what it’s for,
which is taking photos.
對他們來說，相機是他們每天都會使用到的東西。但這不代表他們不尊重他們使用的工具，但他們願意讓他們的寶貝承受一些必要的磨損，因為這才是能夠完整的使用那個工具功能的唯一途徑。如果你身邊有那種不是攝影師的人，買了相機卻捨不得使用，那他們永遠都不會拍到很棒的照片，因為他們忙碌於照顧機器本身而忽略了機器的功能：拍照。
People are so busy nursing themselves and cradling themselves and so afraid of the scratches that they never end up using all of their creative channels, they never end up saying half the things they could say to that person they’re interested in. They never go through half the experiences they could go through in life, they’re too busy avoiding the scratches.
人們過度忙碌於照顧自己的形象，就像那些不懂得使用相機的人一樣，怕刮痕、怕磨損，而永遠無法發揮他們自己的價值。通常在這種狀況下，你失去了大半能夠談論你有興趣的事、經歷有趣經驗的機會，因為人們忙於照顧自己的形象。
Don’t be afraid of the scratches.
不要害怕磨損跟刮痕。
No matter what area it is – whether it’s at work or it’s in your playtime, whether it’s with people – the moment you’re willing to embarrass yourself is the moment you’ll be completely free. You’ll be free from what everyone thinks of you, what everyone says about you, and you’ll be able to actually risk the actions that will get you to where you want to be. You’ll be able to take the steps that will move you forward.
不管地點在哪裡，是在工作場所還是休閒的時間，不管你是跟誰在一起，當你能夠接受自己出糗、丟臉時，你就得到了自由。你會從在意別人的想法觀感中得到自由，你會真的做自己，你會真的能夠做出真的能夠使自己前進的事。
So go embarrass yourself.
所以讓自己尷尬、丟臉吧。