Recently I had some argument with my sister in law over whether
she should invite her parents, my parents in law, to her wedding.
She declined her parents' presence in her wedding. The relationship
between her and her parents has long been very rough. Being the only
girl in the family with three older bothers, she was not treated
fairly and respectfully by her parents, who cherish only male.
She was expected to endure what she sees as verbal abuse, while
her parents expect her to be obedient under all circumstances.
Therefore, all alone, there are lots of conflicts between her parents,
who hold very ancient traditional chinese family value, and her,
who grew up in western culture.
She never stopped seeking love and respect from the family,
and couldn't stop complaining how differently she is treated than
other boys in the family, especially my husband.
She is getting married in September. Recently, she found out
that her parents intend to pass their property to three sons only.
Feeling so unfair and hurt, she confronted her parents and had
a huge argument over this. Her father told her that since she
got married, she does not belong to the family anymore.
After the argument, she uninvited her parents from her wedding, and
decided to cut all contact with the family.
I replied to the email she sent annoucing her decision and expressed
that she should still invite her parents to her wedding. She
got really mad at me for not being able to understand and support her.
As a result, I was told not to attend her wedding as well.
Having nothing aganist her personally, I regret not being able to hold
my tongue and intervened. However, I do feel very bad
for my parents in law. I agree that they are probably one of the worst
parents, who just give birth to the chidren and don't educate them.
However, they should still be invited to the wedding as a minimum
acknowledge to them giving birth to her.
It is a long post. Thanks to anyone who has the patience to read it
through.