※ 引述《maydayjing (仲夏夜之星)》之銘言:
: 女孩版好,同篇文章有發到英文版
: 但希望板上有英文很強的人也可以指點,感激不盡
: 撰寫自己的活動經歷,是要給美國人看的,很怕自己的文法太糟
: 我開頭用 現在完成式 表示我有這個經驗
: 然後敘述我這個活動做了甚麼的時候我用 過去式
: 最後我表達要完成這件事需要怎樣的能力
: 我不知道要用 現在式 還是過去式耶?
: 因為能力應該是常態(不會因為時間而變)所以想說是用現在式
: 但整篇前面又是過去式
: 發現這個問題好基本......
: 高中考大學時忘了是怎麼解決的QQ
: 請教各位了,感謝
: 以下附上我的文章,如果有網友有空願意幫我糾正文法也非常感謝 > <
: (一)
: I have a great passion for Mysticism, especially TAROT Divination. I have
tarot請用小寫,全大寫看起來很痛苦也不正確。D改小寫。
: served as a leader of Astrology Club in my college for three semesters.
^
用 the 不要用 a,astro club不要大寫,前面也加一個the。
: During that period, I planned two big activities for all students and people
: outside the campus. The activities were very successful, and many people came
: to join us. Apart from being the sponsor, I also worked as a cashier and
你是贊助商? 不是的話sponsor這個字換一下吧。
: answered questions from our customers. Customers paid money to me so that
刪掉to me跟that
: they can buy our service—TAROT. To do well on the TAROT divination, the most
tarot不要大寫。還有這個句點跟下一句的中間感覺少掉很多故事,可以多寫一點東西
接起來
: important thing is being willing and eager to help people. Besides, it takes
: much patience for listening to the stories and giving response. As a result,
^
從這開始,改成to listen to the stories,response換成feedbacks會好很多。
複數很重要,因為你很多地方都有忘記,只是我懶得每個都抓。
這邊的as a result用的有點莫名其妙,用些別的銜接詞吧!
: communication skill is essential as well.
skills are比較好。
: 要用 planned (過去計畫了) 還是 have planned (曾經計畫了) 呢?
: 後面三個 is , takes , is 因為這是不變的道理,並不是只有在活動中需要
: 所以我用現在式,但是整篇文是過去式?
: (二)
: I have applied a project called “Buddy Program” when I was a freshman. This
^
請愛用to,改成applied to a project。
: program was held by Office of International Cooperation in my college and the
^
加個the。
: target of it was offering assistance to exchange students which were called
不要用the target of it這種落落長又念的滿嘴泡的詞,請用the purpose。
後面也請改成動詞,用名詞怪怪的。was to offer assiatance。
which請改成who,學生們不是物品。
: Buddy. We helped our Buddies accommodate themselves to the new surroundings.
: From this program, I established the international view of different cultures
改成I have established an international view。
International view不是特定的東西,不要用the。
: and made friends with some American.
sssssssssssssssssss
: 因為這個計畫是每個學期都有的,並不是只有過去才被舉辦
: 所以我在想是不是應該要用 is held?
不用,你參加的是過去的。
: 同理,活動的目標是幫助外籍學生,也是常態,要用 is offering 嗎?
: 最後,我從這個計劃建立了國際觀以及與美國人做朋友,應該是要用過去式對吧?
: (三)
: As a student in my college, I also participated in some activities of the
in my college刪掉,沒有啥特殊意義念起來很難聽。
請用I have also participated。
: voluntary service club. We had camps at some elementary schools every winter a
some刪掉聽起來才不會怪怪的。
: nd summer vacation.When having events, solving sudden cries was inevitable. Therefore, I
這第一個句點後面感覺也少掉一大段故事,跟下一句很難接在一起。
sudden cries是突然的哭聲嗎? 還是sudden crises?
was改成is。
: developed strong management skills during my service in the club and was able
請用I have developed。
: to deal with the problems in a timely manner.
請不要用the。
: 每年寒暑假都會舉辦營隊,是不是應該用 have?
: 然後解決問題也是常態的,並不是只有之前舉辦才有,所以要用 was 還是 is 呢?
: 最後的棟詞我就沒用黃色框了,應該是過去式吧@@?
: (四)
: I have joined a Student Fellowship Club in my college life and the members of
joined the Student...。
in my college life聽起來很不自然,in my college就好了。
: this club are all from my country-Keelung. One of the activities I have held
基隆不是國家,請不要用country,請用hometown或是home city。
這裡把have刪掉。
: was selling some specialties of my city to all students and people outside
some刪掉,聽起來很不正式。
of改成from好很多很多。
: the campus. From this activity, I made a chance to introduce our country to
前面都用I現在突然跑出一個our很怪,還有country也改掉。
: my classmates and let them have a taste of our foods.
let them聽起來好像是你准許他們吃這些食物一樣,請用比較委婉一點的方式。
: 黃色的是我不知道時態對不對的地方
: 如果有網友願意幫我看整個文法真的感激不盡 > <
唉,工具人的天性真悲哀orz。
你還是花錢比較好,整篇掃一遍比較安全。