※ 引述《judy404 (如如如)》之銘言：
: 大家好, 以下是我的自傳,麻煩各位糾正我不當之處, 萬分感謝!!
: My name is XXX. I graduated from XX University and my major
: is in Special Education.
通常第一段會寫明應徵的工作項目
I am writing to apply for the XXX position at XXX company.
學歷部分如果這樣寫會比較清楚
I received my bachelor (or master) degree in Special Education
from XXX university.
: Because of the experiences of teaching those children who have disabilities,
: I learned the patient and teamwork ability.
這裡我看不太懂 learned the patient 是指瞭解病人嗎?
一般不會把 Because of, because, when 這類子句或副詞放在句子的開頭
除非是要特別強調
My experience teaching children with disabilities helps me understand
how to work with patients.
: I was hired by a famous chain store for selling consumer electronics
: during my college time. With my excellent sales and negotiation skill,
: I became the Top Sales after two months and obtain top awards several times.
: Due to my sales performance, I was appointed as a representative in
: Information Exhibition, and got best salesman number one every time.
我建議寫出公司名
Before graduating from college, I worked as a sales representative for
XXX Company, a top retail chain selling consumer electronics. My selling and
negotiation skills made me a good salesman. I received my first Top Sales
award in the first two months and received the award several times during my
employment. I was appointed to represent the company at the Information
Exhibition several times because of my performance. I made the most sales
among all representatives each time when I worked at the exhibition.
: I believe “There are no products couldn’t be sold.”
"There are no products that can't be sold"
: Always thinking how to expand and promote the achievements and focusing
: on our every customer. I will be a great candidate for this position
: with my enthusiasm and outstanding learning capacity.
I always think of ways to promote product benefits and value that we can
bring to our customers. I listen to every customer's needs and provide the
best recommendations accordingly.
I feel confident my enthusiasm and learning ability will allow me to make
a significant contribution to XXX company.
: Thank you for your listening.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to talking with you.
我也不是專業的寫手或編譯 只是憑自己的經驗給點建議
有很多地方可能只是每個人寫作風格不同 而不是對錯問題
寫商業書信的時候 我會盡量避免過多的形容詞
另外 skills 通常是複數 即使你覺得是一種技能而不是多種 像是 selling skills
experience 通常是單數 即使你覺得是很多的經驗 像是 teaching experience

他的patien應該是指耐心

一樓說的對XDDD謝謝大大!另外我用Always thinking是因為我看別人說可以用always當首詞作口氣上的強調! 不知是否適當!

你的always原句沒有主詞動詞 不是一個完整的句子建議用patience和teamwork skills

應該是要投國內的公司吧!建議你加小標，分別為第一段應徵職務及動機(Objective)，第二段學術背景(Academic background)，第三段課外活動(Extracurricular Activities)，另外就文意來講，直接就畢業科系跳到照顧小孩經驗所學習到能力，跳很大。學術背景所得最好還是多加著墨，照顧小孩是學校安排的實習嗎?是的話可以另外寫一段，歸在課外活動中。

特殊教育就是照顧特殊小孩的學問啊...我覺得這個經驗放在學術背景那裡沒有大問題，但是措詞的確要修一下。原文的脈絡是「...我主修特殊教育。從照顧肢障孩童的經驗裡我學到...」這樣的中文一樣很跳躍，其實這裡不是英文問題。但是，只要在中間加上「這四年間，對我影響最大的是實習帶孩子的經驗...」就順多了