新鮮人英文自傳求批...

作者: ssabc2211 (Chinshan)   2017-02-12 04:17:02
背景:私立大學企管 多益僅790
該篇自傳想附在人力銀行的英文自傳內
或是該改為pdf檔放在附件呢
希望能找到外商的缺,或是國內公司的國外業務...但同時也不反對一些貿易類其他職位

因此傾向大方向的介紹自己沒有針對明確產業別,不知道是否正確,文章就靠僅有的英文
能力還有字典拼湊出來,還想麻煩板上前輩不吝指正了十分感謝
My name is xxx and I am a business graduate from YYY University, Department of
Business Management. In my college, I specially interest in aspect of Marketi
ng and Human Resource. I believe that my academic background and social skill
make me as a strong entry level candidate for the job.
Family & Personality
I have a lovely family. My father is an owner of mobile store. Whenever I am f
ree, I really like to interact with customers, and learn how to react with dif
ferent client even foreigner. Every time customer leave, I would review the ca
se to understand how can I do much better in next time. That create so many op
portunities for me to verify and to modify my concept and attitude on work. I
think I am not only an outgoing person but positive and considerate.
Leadership Experience & Interest
I am a really enthusiast about sports. I play basketball, baseball and softbal
l, also join dancing club in my high school and college. In my club, I usually
play a leader or planner part. From recruiting new members, planning a show o
f the year and holding the 3 days training camp. I should totally understand t
he detail of case and make sure it would be hold successful.
Work Experience
I do a part-time job in my first year of college at Pakistan restaurant.
In there. I learn how to get along with colleague from different country such
as India, Vietnam and Pakistan. In my third year, I find a HR intern vacancy a
t one listed company. The company called ‘’Dimerco’’ in Logistic industry.
The job description is “Assisting manager to formulate report with word or e
xcel” and “Making the data turn into the information”. That makes me improv
e my ability of thinking comprehensively.
Last year, I go to TGI Friday’s restaurant to learn their FSS (Friday's servi
ce style).
Both in theory and practice. I get award of top 10 of a year, top sales and be
st rookies from TGI Friday’s, and also get the qualification of bartender.
In there, I learn how to serve 5 or 6 tables efficiently in the same time. So
I am good at prioritize, and I can always make right decision immediately.
In summary
I can always face challenges in positive attitude, and I like to find somewhe
re I don’t read or study before. To be a fresh graduate, I have infinite pass
ion and energy. I hope I can get in the best company and create my own value i
n there.
I would appreciate an opportunity to discuss my qualifications at your earlies
t convenience. Thank you for your time and consideration.
作者: marsonele (marsonele)   2017-02-12 05:48:00
你有google網路上的範本嗎 讀起來很瑣碎 建議列點你打個cv resume都有不少可以參考的234段列點 最後一段刪掉
作者: porschegt4 (保時捷)   2017-02-12 08:51:00
Leadership Experience 不夠能表現出你都領導能力和實利,這段可拿除,工作經驗最重要卻不夠豐富,例如,如何找到新工作,新工作內容太模糊,你離職的原因,工作要分年月來表示,格式要清礎,重點要抓住在改改就很好了,加油
作者: gochin (gochin)   2017-02-12 09:02:00
第一段就怪了,想做的是國外業務類自傳說對HR有興趣,所以你只是想投投看?
作者: a31415926 (Adam smith)   2017-02-12 09:51:00
滿多文法錯誤的…可以用grammarly幫你找錯誤然後你寫的英文是中式英文
作者: ithil1 (阿椒)   2017-02-12 10:31:00
寫成這樣不如不要寫In my college, I specially interest in 是什麼鬼
作者: samutw (samutw)   2017-02-12 10:38:00
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
作者: mathlover (mathlover)   2017-02-12 10:46:00
太長,三段即可,第一段簡單自介,第二節寫大學、研究所學到或做過的事,第三段寫為什麼想要這個工作。剩下的都是文法錯誤
作者: wiggyc (tranquility)   2017-02-12 11:21:00
寫作跟口語不一樣,如果這是你口語的自介是可以(文體,文法還需修改),寫作的話結構不夠嚴謹。
作者: sf820624 (SF)   2017-02-12 11:36:00
很明顯抄了範本還寫成這樣
作者: bean1080 (晨竇)   2017-02-12 11:51:00
為什麼多益790 寫的比我還可怕
作者: ff12453   2017-02-12 12:11:00
Last year, I "go" to...
作者: Beersheep (一心不乱)   2017-02-12 12:12:00
想要酸人的就不用推文了吧
作者: anselhsuen (就叫我冷笑話仙子★)   2017-02-12 12:54:00
家庭背景直接刪掉好嗎? 寫這個就是菜菜子才會做的事
作者: echo815 (粉紅)   2017-02-12 12:55:00
很多文法錯誤...不建議用grammarly, 找native speaker幫你修最好
作者: CHESTON (CHESTON)   2017-02-12 13:21:00
你第一段就文法錯得很多,之後就沒看
作者: kenshin528 (成立奧凶帝國!!)   2017-02-12 13:42:00
多益790 文章寫成這樣不如不寫@@
作者: fanuc (天空是我唯一嚮往)   2017-02-12 14:06:00
這樣有790....
作者: ncshue84   2017-02-12 14:33:00
畢業那邊寫錯了應該是我畢業於XXX從XXX大學如果不確定寫法正確 我建議你先GOOGLE 我都這樣
作者: gochin (gochin)   2017-02-12 21:13:00
我因為第一段很矛盾後面就沒看真的可以google有英文網站有針對不同職務寫的範例CV與履歷
作者: sc1 (sc1)   2017-02-13 01:22:00
中文看去沒料的、英文的就甭看了
作者: P0970509782 (Ping-Pong)   2017-02-13 17:57:00
印象深刻,某公司自傳題目:四個英文單詞形容自己。供您參考

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