就是當你以為自己很安全
就忽然跑出來襲擊你的一場遊戲
或者與其相仿的甚麼東西
不知道為甚麼覺得這一段很漂亮所以摘錄於此
It begins to rain. The first harsh, sparse, swift drops rush through the
leaves and across the ground in a long sigh, as though of relief from
intorlerable suspense. They are big as buckshot, warm as though fired from
a gun; they sweep across the lantern in a vicious hissing.
這一段我看不懂
In a strange room you must empty yourself for sleep. And before you are
emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are emptied for sleep, you
are not. And when you are filled with sleep, you never were. I don't know
what I am. I don't know if I am or not. Jewel knows he is, because he does
not know that he does not know whether he is or not. He cannot empty him-
self for sleep becasue he is not what he is and he is what he is not. Be-
yond the unlamped wall I can hear the rain shaping the wagon that is ours,
the load that is no longer theirs that felled and sawed it nor yet theirs
that bought it and which is not ours either, lie on our wagon though it
does, since only the wind and the rain shape it to Jewel and me, that are
not asleep. And since sleep is is-not and rain and wind are WAS, it is not.
Yet the wagon IS, because when the wagon is WAS, Addie Bundren will not be.
And Jewel IS, so Addie Bundren must be. And then I must be, or I could not
empty myself for sleep in a strange room. And so if I am not emptied yet,
I am IS.
How often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.
說不定看到後面就懂了吧，也說不定像海明威的Big Two-hearted River一樣
無論我怎麼看就是不會懂（憑現在的我或是我，就是沒辦法搞懂的）
在第二個夢之前醒過來，枕頭是濕的，眼眶也是
第一個夢中夢見了甚麼悲傷的事情吧
昨天晚上盯著光線做成的梯形在天花板上
（我用視線跟天花板交流都個把鐘頭起跳；這樣笑著與K說）
忽然感到痛，這種時候經常想起葉青的那首因果
試著卷成還沒出生時最熟悉的姿勢，感受痛並想著那首詩
（我的詩跟書一樣，涉獵不多）
／因果
覺得痛所以需要痛
就劃了幾道刀痕在身
覺得需要所以要
就要到了些感覺
感覺太深所以更深
就失去了以後
以後很遠所以不肯走
就留在原地　看見你
看見你所以再度覺得痛
就算了什麼也不需要了
實在太痛所以在全世界只有我的房間聽起了mp3
試圖將注意力放在注意音樂的細節上
發現一些從來沒聽過的合聲段落
還有混音混到讓聽者（用耳機聽的傢伙們）感到窒息的歌
mp3很貼心的選了一些合適的歌
聽到某首就知道
啊，該結束了
還是痛但沒那麼痛了所以睡了
起床，知道自己又無視鬧鐘睡過頭
感到漫無邊際的空虛，於是吃
吃了就感到被填滿
「至少肉體是滿的，這件事已經說明我足夠幸運」
知道徒勞仍然試著這麼說服自己
秋天快到了
夏天的憂鬱太亮太熱
灼燒我的神經
秋天快到了