Gay Cardinals Minor League player quit baseball when teammates said gays
should be killed
By Cyd Zeigler
紅雀隊小聯盟球員因為隊友發表同性戀理應殺害的言論，離開棒壇
After visiting Outsports a few times, I wanted to share my story with you.
在拜訪Outsports數次後, 我想告訴你，我的故事
My name's Tyler Dunnington, and I was a 28th-round pick by the St Louis
Cardinals in the 2014 MLB Draft. I was one of the not-so-many players to
be given a chance to pursue my dream of being a Major League Baseball player.
我的名字是Tyler Dunnington，我在2014年選秀第28輪，被聖路易紅雀選上。很幸運的，
我是少數能有機會一圓大聯盟夢想的球員。
I was also one of the unfortunate closeted gay athletes who experienced years
of homophobia in the sport I loved. I was able to take most of it with a grain
of salt but towards the end of my career I could tell it was affecting my
relationships with people, my performance, and my overall happiness.
不幸的是，在我所熱愛的棒球圈，我卻也是那深受恐同陰影籠罩的未出櫃球員。
我曾懷疑我是否有能力度過這些難關，但直到職業生涯尾端，它著實影響我的人際關係，
我在球場上的表現，以及我整體的幸福。
I experienced both coaches and players make remarks on killing gay people
during my time in baseball, and each comment felt like a knife to my heart.
I was miserable in a sport that used to give me life, and ultimately I decided
I needed to hang up my cleats for my own sanity.
在我打球的那段日子裡，我聽見來自教練和選手間關於殺害同性戀的耳語，那一次又一次
的言論猶如一道又一道利刃嵌入我心。我何其熱愛這項運動，但我處境卻又如此悲戚。
最後，為明智計，我決定高掛球鞋。
After a little over a year of being gone from the game I've come to realize
I thought I was choosing happiness over being miserable. That is not
necessarily the case. My passion still lies in baseball, and removing myself
from the game didn't change that. Most of the greatest memories I have are
with this sport. After gaining acceptance from my friends and family I realized
I didn't have to quit baseball to find happiness.
在離開球場一年後不久，我清楚體認到彼時我選擇了幸福而非悲戚。然而這卻不是必要
之舉。我對棒球的熱情依舊，即便遠離球賽，也不能更動這個事實。
打棒球的時光佔據了我人生中大半的美好記憶。在朋友和家人接受我出櫃的事實後，
我了解到為了找到幸福，我並不需要犧牲棒球。
I not only wanted to share my story but also apologize for not using the stage
I had to help change the game. Quitting isn't the way to handle adversity, and
I admire the other athletes acting as trailblazers.
我不僅想分享我的故事，也為了過去我無法利用棒球這個舞台改變什麼而道歉。
退讓並不是處理逆境的方法，我欽佩其他在同志議題上勇敢扮演拓荒者的運動員。
Dunnington's college career spanned three institutions. The pitcher spent
two years in the community college ranks at Skagit Valley College outside of
Seattle andCollege of Southern Idaho. Then his career took off at Division II
Colorado Mesa College. Keeping his sexual orientation from his teams, he heard
homophobic language in the locker room, the members of the teams having no idea
there was a gay man in their midst. While his overall experiences with each
team were positive, the anti-gay comments didn't help.
Dunnington在三所學校渡過了他的大學生活。這位投手在史蓋吉谷社區大學和南愛達荷州
立學院走過兩年寒暑，之後他的投手人生在NCAA二級Colorado Mesa College起飛。他對
球隊隱瞞性向，在休息間裡，他耳聞恐同言論，然而隊友們並不知道他們之中有位同性戀
球員。他在每支球隊的相處經驗還算正面，反同言論並不猖狂。
It was comments from a member of one of the coaching staffs - yes, a coach -
that have lingered with him the longest. Somehow chatter one day brewed about
gay people, and the coach made a bragging reference to the brutal murder of
Matthew Shepard.
一則反同言論從教練團的其中一位成員流出。是的，一位教練，一位陪伴他最久的教練。
某天，不知何故，聊天的話題轉到同志議題，那位教練針對殘無人道的Matthew Shepard
謀殺案大放厥詞。
"We kill gay people in Wyoming," the college coach said.
在懷俄明州，我們都會殺害同性戀。那位教練如是說。
The comment killed Dunnington's spirit
那則言論抹殺了Dunnington的心智。
In 2014 Dunnington left Colorado Mesa and headed to the Gulf Coast League
Cardinals, a Florida-based affiliate of the St. Louis team that had drafted
him. Between that team and the State College Spikes, Dunnington finished the
season with a 4-2 record and two saves with an ERA of 3.09.
在2014年，Dunnington離開了Colorado Mesa前往灣岸紅雀隊，聖路易紅雀在佛州的
小聯盟球隊。那年，他待在灣岸紅雀和州立學院鹿角隊，以4勝2敗2救援，3.09的防禦率
結束了賽季。
"He had a good season, statistically, though he was a couple years older than
the average player in his league," said Grant Brisbee, senior baseball writer
at SBNation.
“儘管他比同聯盟的球員年紀稍長，惟從數據上來看，他有個不錯的賽季“Grant Brisbee
, SBNation的資深寫手如是說。
Also along the way came an unfortunate locker-room conversation. One teammate
with the Cardinals mentioned that he has a gay brother. While there was some
supportive talk, two teammates in particular questioned their straight teammate
on how he could possibly be friends with a gay person, even his brother.
They even mentioned ways to kill gay people.
不幸的休息間談話卻也如影隨形。在紅雀隊的一位隊員曾經提到他有位同性戀兄弟。
儘管那時有支持聲浪，兩位隊友仍質問那位直男隊友，他怎麼有辦法和同志做朋友，
更別提要當兄弟了。他們甚至提到如何殺害同志的手段。
When it came time a year ago to head to Spring Training, Dunnington bowed out.
He was done with baseball. His family was bewildered. Baseball had been part
of Dunninton's identity for most of his life. Not knowing his sexual
orientation or the language he had heard in college and pro locker rooms,
they were dumbfounded.
時空拉到去年春訓，Dunnigton終究低頭了。他的棒球人生結束了，家人完全不能明白
他的決定。在泰半人生中，棒球曾是他的身分認同。因為不知道他的性向和他在大學
以及職業球隊休息室裡所聽到的反同話語，對於他的舉措，家人啞然無語。
As Dunnington said in his email to me, he felt he had to choose between
being an out gay man or playing baseball. He was increasingly miserable
in the latter, so he chose the former and retired from baseball after just
one Minor League season.
Dunningtony在電子郵件中告訴我，他覺得他有必要在出櫃或繼續打棒球兩者間作出選擇。
他在信中是如此悲戚，以至於他選擇前者，在一年小聯盟生涯後，從球界淡出。
Homophobic language had driven an MLB prospect from the sport he loved
and the sport at which he excelled. The makings of a Shakespearean tragedy.
恐同言論逼使一位新秀必須從他擅長的運動中退場。這難道不是一場莎士比亞式的悲劇嗎？
Coming out to people in his life over the last 12 months, reading the stories
of other out athletes, and watching the work of Billy Bean in Major League
Baseball, Dunnington now realizes he didn't have to leave baseball to be
openly gay. Even with some harsh language from coaches and teammates, he sees
a community of people like him who provide support. He also sees the shifting
tide in sports and the disconnect between the anti-gay language "jocks"
sometimes use and their deeper adoration for their teammates.
在過去的12個月裡，他向在他生命中出現的許多人出櫃；閱讀了其他出櫃運動員的故事；
觀看了Billy Bean在MLB官網發表的作品，Dunnington現在知道他不需要為了出櫃
離開棒壇。
即使尖刻的話語從教練和隊友口中出現，他總會遇到一群喜愛他並給予支持的夥伴。
他看見運動圈改變的浪潮，以及切斷那時而出現的反同言語連結的，那來自隊友心中
最真切的讚美。
With his playing days behind him, Dunnington is now looking to get back into
baseball in a team front office. He attended the MLB Diversity Business
Summit in Phoenix last week, thanks in part to some last-minute wrangling
by Bean and the Sports Equality Foundation. To return to baseball as an out
gay man would, like Bean felt two years ago when he returned to the sport
he loves, be the ultimate validation of his true self.
昔日打球的時光已遠，Dunnington現在決定以球隊FO的身分重返棒球圈。
他參加了上週在鳳凰城舉行的大聯盟多元業務高峰會，而這得歸功於Billy Bean和
運動平權基金會在最後一分鐘的折衝。如同Billy Bean在兩年前做的事─ 以一個出櫃
同性戀的身分，回到他所熱愛的運動。而這，就是Dunnington對真實的自我，最終極
的認同。
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