[請益] 新鮮人英文自傳求批!

作者: s13541298 (oh yeah!)   2016-09-23 14:18:48
嗨 大家好!! 想要請大家幫忙看一下英文自傳~主要是放在人力銀行的履歷中!
看有沒有文法上的錯誤或者哪裡需要改進的~為了閱讀順暢有些有化名XD
My name is Cheng-Wu Jin and everyone calls me Jin. I received my bachelor
degree in Applied Foreign Language from PTT University.In college period,
I decided to serve as a Dormitory Self-Government Officer. It was a great
experience and overcame my fear of speaking in front of a big crowd. Because
I needed to help students understand dorm rules and held activities for the
dorms.
During my student years, I’ve had a few part-time jobs. For example,
I served as a waiting staff at local hotels. Working at the hotels gave me an
opportunity to practice my communication skills, especially with foreign
tourists. I also worked as a salesman at specialty shop. The way to deal with
customers and selling products are important things I have learned. For
example, keeping a smile and being passionate about the products and services
are two tips to treat your customers.
I sincerely hope that you will give me an opportunity to work in your
company. Thank you for your time and consideration.
謝謝大家的幫忙!
作者: mrsianas (AaronStone1129)   2016-09-23 17:33:00
bachelor's degreein applied foreign languagesand I overcame(接上一句)becausehold activities for the dorm tenants.college lifewaiting staff? waiterclerk at a .... shopI learnedkeep smilingtreat your customers ....?Thank you.只提出一些明顯文法錯誤,供您參考tips for dealing with customers.work at your companykeep smiling and passtionate about ..要換cope with也是可以
作者: alice78226 (紫)   2016-09-24 09:32:00
第一句直接刪了吧!比較適合用在口語而不是文章。既然是應用外語學院畢業的,把你的英文文法好好複習一下吧!
作者: kee32 (終於畢業了)   2016-09-24 20:02:00
My name is Barry Allen, and I'm (停頓加重音) the fastest man alive.

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