[請益] 快被外國老師搞混了 求教Argument Essay寫作

作者: D122 (小黑球)   2019-04-20 08:07:55
如題 小弟最近在外國讀語言學校
雖然是語言的不同 文法 用詞習慣讓我寫英文文章一直受到挫折
但最近寫Argument Essay一直跟老師有疑惑的點對不上
以下是小弟目前草稿
Gender Topless Equality
Have you ever thought that it is strange that only men can be topless?
In
fact, the attitudes toward women’s bodies are still conservative. For
example, social media, like Instagram, prohibits any pictures with women’s
nipples, but Instagram requires “every” user to wear clothes. In 2015, Adda
Smardottir, a student, held the activity “Free the nipple”. She argued with
the unfair standard of social media. In short, currently, some people still
cannot accept topless women, but actually, bare breasts are not as bad as
most people think, and this argument can be made on three sides, gender
equality, social media, and patriarchy.
Gender topless equality is really a part of gender equality. In our
daily
life, women always wear bras and cover their breasts. Some people think that
it is common, while some people think that it is illogical. Steinfeld (2017)
claimed that women have totally different opinions to whether they can show
their breasts. These differences depend on how they were born and grew up.
Most of all, it is true that attitudes toward genders, especially when
topless, are not equality. However, Steinfeld (2017) showed that in some
cultures around the world, like aboriginal communities, women go topless to
this day. Hence, topless women might not be bad as some people think, and not
every person can not accept topless women. Actually, male and female breasts
are similar in composition, and breasts are just parts of people, but society
just rejects women’s breasts. It is unreasonable, and the right of topless
really belongs to women. Only when women really have the right to decide
whether they show their breasts, Gender equality will exist.
In social media, pictures with topless women are not allowed to be
posted.
Wheeling (2015) showed that Facebook and Instagram have the double standard
when judging pictures with bare humans, and many users’ accounts are closed
due the rule of posting pictures. Moreover, Steinfeld (2017) claimed that the
reason why Facebook banned the topless pictures is that Facebook thought that
some audiences may be sensitive to the pictures. It is necessary to consider
users’ positions. However, Fischtein (2015) mentioned that people aged 60
and over were least accepting of female topless behavior. It is because older
people tend to be more conservative. It means that the most main users of
social media, younger peoples, accept topless women more than older people.
For another, Steinfeld (2017) claimed that the laws of public indecency are
nebulous, so people can explain them in their own ways. In conclusion, the
reason why Facebook banned users is not very reasonable, because just
minority users can not accept pictures with topless women, but they really
have a choice to reject them. In addition, to argue this controversial
phenomenon, artists created the image of “an acceptable nipple”, a male
nipple for people to paste it on their topless pictures.
Hundreds years ago, people were in a patriarchy. Wheelng (2015) also
claimed
that women are more likely to be treated as sex objects. Patriarchy is a
social system in which men have all the power. The society was controlled by
men, and women were just properties of men. In addition, some people do not
care that women are being dominated by men, and some women even promote this
situations to others, including their daughters. Even in modern times, some
people still treat women as sex objects. It causes the belief that women’s
bodies are sexual and should be covered. However, this concept of females is
really out of date, because in women’s view, men’s bodies are also sexual,
but topless men can be accepted and not against the law of public indecency.
To eliminate the bad tradition from patriarchy, the unfair attitudes toward
women must be changed.
In short, women really have right to show their breasts in public.
There are
many concepts of this topic in three sides, gender equality, social media,
and patriarchy. Compared to attitudes toward topless men, attitudes toward
topless women are too biased. Now, advanced countries are working for gender
equality, but just the view of sex is still conservative. In social media,
the double standard toward different genders is unreasonable. For another,
patriarchy has limited a lot of women’s rights for a long time, and it is
time to change this unreasonable situation. In conclusion, gender topless
equality is necessary and represents an important process of women’s right.
If women can show themselves without bias, the relationship between different
genders would be better, and the society would be kinder and fairer to women.
因為要用到APA格式引用的關係 找兩方觀點相關的文章已經很頭大了
卻更被說"沒看到三個side的各兩方論點"
雖然列給老師看了 但跟他說還是一個頭兩個大
尤其在Social media那一段 老師是說沒兩方點 但我是要反駁"Facebook方的想法"
是因為我說得太委婉嗎(同學表示) 還是Organization上的問題呢(不習慣的點)
因為老師一直跳針的點是他不清楚哪個點 但跟他問了很久他卻也只是說不行
所以想請各位提供意見 感謝
作者: nobody1976 (())   2019-04-20 08:17:00
AdvEduUKgraduate
作者: D122 (小黑球)   2019-04-20 08:45:00
這感覺像是寫作 文法 架構上的問題 所以想說在這問比較好
作者: dropguy   2019-04-20 09:20:00
在social media段落,三個引用都是support第一句論點,而且第一句使用bare human,跟題目單指女生不太一樣。在第二引用後的那句It means...,我覺得過度延伸了。句型再多變化一點,主詞+動詞+受詞用太多了。有些字重複使用太多,譬如第二段第二句,用了2個think。
作者: D122 (小黑球)   2019-04-20 09:44:00
那應該怎麼做 我後面兩個引用是想要反駁第一個引用
作者: dunchee (---)   2019-04-20 21:17:00
既然人在"外國",那麼到書局/圖書館找教導essay寫作的書來看 https://tinyurl.com/yxstr5vphttps://tinyurl.com/y294jp8e只是兩個例子。你自己找能應付老師要求的書
作者: themang628 (忙)   2019-04-24 13:01:00
如果要丟進去turnitin的話 你這樣po上來可能會被抓到plagarism 要小心喔

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